[MGW] 104 - Fireworks in Connecticut

[my_strappyshoes]

Pressing her palm against the top to her prescription bottle she set it back into the cabinet in the bathroom. Cupping water into her hand she took the two small pills and dried her hand off before heading back out into the front room where Julian was waiting for her. Running her hands through her hair she smiled at him trying to reassure him that she was fine, that the pills were just a minor precaution her own doctor wanted to take once she'd been back in Connecticut and had gotten checked out again. She had been back on American soil for nearly a week but she still didn't feel like she'd come home yet.

Truthfully she hadn't. One night at her parents house was more than enough to push her to rent a condo closer to the city just to give her something to put distance between her parents and her. She knew they were grateful she wasn't returning to Los Angeles just yet, but she also knew they worried about her. The looks that her mother had given her when they picked her up at the airport nearly sunk her stomach, because she hadn't seen her mother that worried since she had to put them all into protective custody. They all walked on eggshells around her that night and by morning she asked her father to come with her to look for a place to stay for a while. She signed a month to month lease once she'd managed to explain her situation without actually explaining it truthfully. It was fully furnished, but Rachel still knew it wasn't quite what she needed. What exactly she needed though she still was unsure of.

Now though she'd been there for a few days and it felt at least a bit more relaxing now that Julian had been there with her. Sleepless nights were still an issue, even with Julian holding her staying up until she'd fall asleep. The way she'd startle herself awake if she did drift off was worrying him more than he was letting on, but she could see it in his eyes. The same way she saw that he wasn't getting much sleep either.

Her arms laced through his curving up to press against his back as she pulled in close against him, "Mmmm... I'm so very tempted to forget the fireworks and just stay in, but I haven't been since I was a kid, and I should probably get out instead of staying in bed with you all the time." Meeting his eyes she smiled, "Not that it's a bad thing at all, the quality bed time is greatly appreciated." Leaning in she brushed a kiss to his lips, murmuring the words against his mouth again, "Greatly appreciated."

As she pulled back she exhaled lightly, "We're leaving late enough that we should get there just a bit before they start, and once they're done we'll come back here and see if we can't arrange for our own fireworks."

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[elementof-risk.livejournal.com]

He'd followed her as quickly as he could, not wanting to put her more at risk by linking them on a passenger manifest, but not wanting to be apart from her longer than necessary either. The continued pills worried him, fear clenching in his gut that somehow there had been permanent damage done. The not sleeping, at least, was to be expected.

He wasn't doing much of it either.

It wasn't guilt, not in the least. He'd done far worse things to perfectly innocent people without a flicker of guilt. Destroying the man who'd hurt Rachel was perfectly justified in his mind. But it was still a departure, a descent into even darker shadows than he'd plumbed before in himself. There was worry that he'd told her father, at least that something...more worry that he might have seen the papers, might know...worry she would find out, and think...if he'd just killed him, just tortured him a bit, then killed him, he thought she'd understand. The extent of what he'd done...without remorse...it kept him up. More than that, though, the parallels with what he'd done...that the man was no different really, and probably even not quite as dangerous, as he himself...

There still wasn't shame, wasn't guilt. They were not emotions he was at all familiar with, but he was still aware that the only difference between them was that Nara wasn't as careful as he was, and he loved Rachel. Not Rachel? He'd do what he needed to find something out, and she had to know that, too. He'd done it before, after all.

He wasn't even fully sure what the disturbance was, so he focused it on her, worry for her, because that at least he understood. Still, today he tried to push it back, to return the kiss softly, to smile at the proposition. He'd be perfectly happy to stay in with just them rather than celebrating the independence of her country, but if she wanted to see the fireworks, then they'd go see them.

"You realize that no one who knows me would believe you if you told them I was going to an Independence Day celebration, yes?"

[my_strappyshoes]

Letting her nails drag lightly against his back she nodded, drawing her bottom lip between teeth meeting his eyes with the same happiness she wanted to have all the time, but knew was harder to find once everything around her stilled. When it all went quiet she was forced to realize the silence and what that meant, and it left her alone with her own thoughts. Thoughts she didn't want to have, and memories she wished would just go away.

"I still don't see it as that either you know. I'm not going because I work for APO and want to see some glorious tribute to the freedoms this country has. I'm going because it's night and the weather is cool for once and I want to see the fireworks, and I want to see them with you."

Pulling herself against him she rested her head to his shoulder, her eyes shutting lightly just to breathe him in and feel the warmth of him against her. It was such a simple thing, but something more recently she'd been more drawn to. She'd always been one to be close to him if she could be, but since coming back to Connecticut she didn't like being alone, or too far from him. She knew that if he had to go somewhere she'd stay with her parents, but if she could cling to him she would. If she could steal away small moments where the silence was okay and the still was dulled by the sound of his breathing she would.

Inhaling she picked her head up and met his eyes, "We should go, the walk won't be too bad from here."

[elementof-risk.livejournal.com]

He let himself hold her close for a moment, fingers sliding to brush lightly through her hair before she lifted her head. He gave her a bit of a smile, stepping back, but winding his fingers through hers.

"I didn't think you were going because of APO," he said with a wry smile, "But you are American..." His voice held a lightly teasing note more than anything serious, his British accent more pronounced. "Remember I grew up being taught today was a day of treachery, when people rebelled against their rightful King..." He tilted his head, pretending to consider that, then smirked. "Possibly I should respect that a bit more..."

He leaned in to kiss her lightly. "It is a nice night and a walk and fireworks sound lovely," he conceded. "I haven't seen any since New Year's." And he was fond of things that exploded, after all.

[my_strappyshoes]

Tilting her head aside she smiled at him, "New Years... I was in a small village in Sweden hanging upside down from a wire while I cut off the power relay for Vaughn. It was eventful, but no fireworks."

Grabbing her keys off the counter she let go of his hand for a moment grabbing a sweatshirt to pull on over her tank top, but still didn't feel like putting on jeans. Returning to him at the door she tightened her hand in his as she moved outside her condo with Julian at her side.

She could smell the slight sulfur that came from the sparklers and the neighbors shooting off the backyard displays that were more noise than actual lights. The kids that raced around back near her parents house were probably no doubt annoying her mother with how dangerous it was for all of them to not take notice that they could fall and crack their skulls open. Out here though there weren't too many kids running around, just the usual groups heading up to the fireworks with beer in hand.

Rachel pressed in close beside Julian, happy that he was there, happy that they could just walk downtown and not worry about being seen, or who knew them.

"So where were you for New Years that you saw fireworks, if you're at liberty to divulge such intel to me," Rachel teased.

[elementof-risk.livejournal.com]

"Sounds like a lovely evening," he said dryly, fingers curling tighter around hers as they walked. She was warm beside him, and close, and that made him smile and let go of a little of the tension he'd been carrying since heard she was taken. This was so very normal, it was almost easy to forget the rest in the sheer novelty of the normalcy.

"New Years Eve, I was in Dublin," he said with a smile. "I was not working, actually, and spent the holidays in Galway, then came down to Dublin to see an old schoolmate before heading back out."

[my_strappyshoes]

Nodding Rachel rested her head against his shoulder as they walked toward the park that was just a few blocks away from her temporary residence. Her fingers slipped to readjust in his hand keeping that tight grip on him the same as he seemed to do to her. It was comforting to have him there, right there where she didn't have to go far to find him, or not have him just a fingers length from her. Part of her knew she was being selfish keeping him only for herself, but that part didn't even care anymore.

The phone calls from Sydney came and went unanswered, and for now she was fine with that. Weiss had handled her debriefing, her psych evaluation requested that she see someone weekly and she'd do that the same as she did before. She just didn't want to really talk about anything at all.

This was good, this was comfortable and it was acceptable as what she wanted to do for the moment. "We should go," Rachel suggested out of nowhere. "To Ireland at least... end up in Galway by other means..." Rachel wasn't even sure why she was saying it but she knew that if she was going anywhere other than this park, or back home or to her parents house if he had a job...

Rachel knew she didn't want to go anywhere without him, and she'd go anywhere that he was.

[elementof-risk.livejournal.com]

Her suggestion took him by surprise, and it showed for a moment, before it was gone, back behind his usual expression that hid so much of what he didn't choose to reveal. It had gotten better through the years, this hiding, and though he dropped it more with her than anyone else in years, there were things he still felt he had to keep close. Any part of him that was still...shaken...was part of that, and he was careful to be there, solid and strong and unshakable for her.

"If you'd like to go, we can do that," he said with equanimity. "The compound is mine, technically, where I spent my summers with Irina. It's not in use anymore, but we could stay in town somewhere nice." It was another place people knew him, though they all assumed he was the Russian lady's son, and no one had asked too many questions. Still, he'd been there every summer for eight of them, and spent enough time in town to make acquaintances, if not real friends. Real friends were something he still wasn't sure he could claim ever having.

[my_strappyshoes]

Cutting across the sidewalk and onto the grass she moved toward the park where maybe about half the town had opted to stray to just to watch the fireworks. She could've seen them from her backyard she was sure by now, but she needed the air, needed to actually get out for a moment. Rachel nodded in agreement with him casually not really trying to make him commit to something such as a trip just yet.

"Just at some point, it's that whole traveled the world never actually looking at it thing." Which was true to almost a fault for her. The life she led hadn't exactly allowed her the chance to look at those things that she went to on jobs, and at the moment she was pretty sure she wasn't going to be sent out into the field even if she did opt to return to work.

Coming up to the back of the park Rachel took a seat on one of the smaller benches pulling close to Julian once he sat down beside her. Leaning in closer she pressed a kiss to his jawline softly before settling her head to rest on his shoulder.

[elementof-risk.livejournal.com]

"Well, then we need to rectify that," he murmured, settling his arm around her and cradling her against him, feeling how she fit, where she fit. His lips brushed the top of her head, and for a moment he closed his eyes and just breathed her in. He didn't believe in God, in some power out there pulling the strings, but he allowed himself a moment of profound gratitude that she was here, with him, that they had been in time.

"It's really a fascinating world, with so much to see." He didn't do the tourist thing that often himself, but he did make sure to enjoy where he went, learning languages and cultures and immersing himself in them for a while before he retreated to whichever five-star hotel he was settled in for the night, or the week.

"I'd like to show it to you," he said, almost noncommittally.